Ok, not quite like Buzz Lightyear but with the end of 2010 quickly approaching, it seems appropriate to finally make a post in this ol' blog of mine.
And what a year 2010 has been. I've definitely had my bad and good moments. It still hurts a little to think about letting go of Uncle Joe although I know he is with the Lord. Doubts about my future still plague me daily. And I find that I struggle with loneliness and issues of worth much more than I would like to. But I've also been able to experience joy in getting to know new friends and being reacquainted with old ones. Experiencing new countries and cultures. And realizing more and more how much love and patience my family and friends have bestowed on me when I least deserved it.
Yet throughout it all, I cannot help but be TREMENDOUSLY thankful and grateful for the Lord's work in my life. There's always the saying that "God is good, all the time" and I think it becomes something so often repeated that sometimes, just sometimes, it loses its meaning and potency. But I think I cannot look back on this year without wholeheartedly agreeing with that statement. The Lord allowed me to have some truly unforgettable memories while showing me just how He orchestrates all the moments in our lives for His Glory. I don't have the words to express how wonderfully He provides for our every need, whether the means of that provision is joyful or trying. I just know that of the biggest lessons I have re-learned this year is how I cannot help but be humbled before a God as mighty as He.
So as I look forward to another year and another start, I pray, with all my heart, that I will: submit to His Will, trust in His plan, and ask for nothing more than the opportunity to serve Him in all that I do as I continue on the path of Sanctification.
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas celebrating the real reason for the season: the coming of the Savior who redeemed our sins and provided a way to come before God. And I wish you all a joyous New Year. May 2011 be filled with laughter and love. :)
December 27, 2010
August 4, 2010
Survival
It's 3am and I decided to post something. My body is totally out of whack so I thought I might as well make the most of it for now.
Anyways, the beast known as the Bar Exam ended a few days ago and I have been trying to regain my sanity ever since. Looking back at that experience, it is a bit like when the Lord puts you through the fire and you emerge a stronger person. I'm not trying to equate a mere test to God's immense work in one's life but it did feel a bit like that. It's amazing how the stress and fear just gets pushed aside while every fiber of your being is focused on this one task. God created the human body to be a breath-takingly intricate and adaptable thing. It's incredible.
At the end of the day, what I'm grateful for is not only God's sovereignty over all things that happened (including the dreaded computer malfunctions) but also the immense support I received during this time. In the days and weeks before the test, I had friends and family leave me Facebook messages/wall posts, text and email me words of encouragement. Your prayers and thoughts have meant so much and for you to share your love with me was directly a reflection of the Lord's love for me as well.
Thank you from the bottom of my tired heart. :)
Now, its time to catch up!
Anyways, the beast known as the Bar Exam ended a few days ago and I have been trying to regain my sanity ever since. Looking back at that experience, it is a bit like when the Lord puts you through the fire and you emerge a stronger person. I'm not trying to equate a mere test to God's immense work in one's life but it did feel a bit like that. It's amazing how the stress and fear just gets pushed aside while every fiber of your being is focused on this one task. God created the human body to be a breath-takingly intricate and adaptable thing. It's incredible.
At the end of the day, what I'm grateful for is not only God's sovereignty over all things that happened (including the dreaded computer malfunctions) but also the immense support I received during this time. In the days and weeks before the test, I had friends and family leave me Facebook messages/wall posts, text and email me words of encouragement. Your prayers and thoughts have meant so much and for you to share your love with me was directly a reflection of the Lord's love for me as well.
Thank you from the bottom of my tired heart. :)
Now, its time to catch up!
July 26, 2010
Doomsday
Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow and the day after that are going to be the most intense 3 days of my life. Ever.
I hope I emerge as a healthy human being again afterwards.
Lord, it is all in Your sovereign hands.
I hope I emerge as a healthy human being again afterwards.
Lord, it is all in Your sovereign hands.
June 20, 2010
Mush
That is how my brain feels.
It's been a while since I posted anything. In fact, two months. During that time, I finished my last set of finals, had almost a month off (that I immensely enjoyed), graduated from law school, and am now fully in the midst of studying for the California Bar Examination.
Here's a picture from happier times:
My parents and I during graduation.
However, at this moment, this is what my life looks like:
3 out of the 12 or so books I have to study from.
And I'm exhausted. I don't know how I'm going to last another month.
My friends and family have been very encouraging and have given me so much support. But I find myself always dreading the questions of:
"When is your exam?!"
"You don't have time to hang out when you have so much time?"
I know its hard to understand from the outside perspective but really, I have to basically cram all the information into my head in the next month and I'm NOT happy about it. My patience is wearing thin and I continually find myself needing to stop, breathe and hope my stress levels get lower.
Yet through it all, God's Grace has lead the way. When I lose my cool, get frustrated at all the well meaningful people around me, and wallow in my own despair...that is when the Lord reminds me of what I'm here for. His Glory and His Glory alone. Such a simple concept and yet one that is so hard to hold onto daily.
And so I pray for more of His strength, patience and endurance. And I ask for your forgiveness if you have had to suffer through my moods.
It's definitely not you, it's me.
It's been a while since I posted anything. In fact, two months. During that time, I finished my last set of finals, had almost a month off (that I immensely enjoyed), graduated from law school, and am now fully in the midst of studying for the California Bar Examination.
Here's a picture from happier times:
My parents and I during graduation.
However, at this moment, this is what my life looks like:
3 out of the 12 or so books I have to study from.
And I'm exhausted. I don't know how I'm going to last another month.
My friends and family have been very encouraging and have given me so much support. But I find myself always dreading the questions of:
"When is your exam?!"
"You don't have time to hang out when you have so much time?"
I know its hard to understand from the outside perspective but really, I have to basically cram all the information into my head in the next month and I'm NOT happy about it. My patience is wearing thin and I continually find myself needing to stop, breathe and hope my stress levels get lower.
Yet through it all, God's Grace has lead the way. When I lose my cool, get frustrated at all the well meaningful people around me, and wallow in my own despair...that is when the Lord reminds me of what I'm here for. His Glory and His Glory alone. Such a simple concept and yet one that is so hard to hold onto daily.
And so I pray for more of His strength, patience and endurance. And I ask for your forgiveness if you have had to suffer through my moods.
It's definitely not you, it's me.
April 18, 2010
Heart Matters
My son, give attention to my words;
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your sight;
Keep them in the midst of your heart.
For they are life to those who find them
And health to all their body.
Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4: 20-23 (NASB)
Perhaps, a more familiar verse: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (NIV version of verse 23)
I am holding on, Lord. Guide me in your ways. Keep my heart by yours.
Incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them depart from your sight;
Keep them in the midst of your heart.
For they are life to those who find them
And health to all their body.
Watch over your heart with all diligence,
For from it flow the springs of life.
Proverbs 4: 20-23 (NASB)
Perhaps, a more familiar verse: "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life." (NIV version of verse 23)
I am holding on, Lord. Guide me in your ways. Keep my heart by yours.
April 5, 2010
Cross-roads
Hello World. I haven't checked-in in a while on the blogosphere. A lot has happened since the last post! Portland was a tremendous success for my friends, Switzerland (and Belgium & the Netherlands afterwards) was definitely an eye-opening adventure certain to leave me with many memories and graduation is closer than ever. I've had a very blessed and filled month.
Yet, I feel like my life could be summed up with one word: thirst.
At Good Friday service this past week, Pastor Chan spoke of the sixth of Jesus' sayings while on the Cross (John 19:30), "It is finished." He spoke of how it was not the saying of a weak man in defeat but of a triumphant Savior who had just completed His mission on earth. With that one phrase, Jesus fulfilled the prophesies of His life, ministry, and death and brought ultimate salvation to mankind.
I took a step back to look at Jesus' fifth saying (John 19:28) where it is said: "Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." His last request before His declaration of victory was to ask to have His thirst quenched as a means to fulfill Scripture (Psalm 69:21). But what draws me more is how it must have felt, physically.
John MacArthur's commentary in Condemned and Crucified: God's Miraculous Commentary on the Cross said: "When His torturers gave Christ the wine, was that an act of mercy? It may have been, but it only served to prolong His agony." I can't imagine the level of thirst He must have endured in order to make such a request and to still ask for liquid, knowing it would only add to the agony of His suffering. The thirst must have been unbearable.
So why the long analysis before I relate it to my state of mind right now?
It's really simple...throughout all that's happened recently, I've felt an unease that I was not able to really pinpoint. I felt like I was doing something wrong or that something was missing that I just didn't understand. It wasn't until I got home that I realized what it was. I was thirsting for more of the Lord the whole time. His presence, His teaching, His encouragement and most importantly, His reassurance that His Will is perfect for my life. Part of it was because I was away from my church family for so long. But the more significant part was that I realized I hadn't put a lot of personal time into my walk in the midst of all the busyness. It was my soul telling me that something was wrong because it had not been feed what it needed...it was a warning sign.
Now that I am home and facing several more hurdles in the months ahead, I realize that my thirst is not going away any time soon (nor should it really ever go away). It is very much up to me to meet that desire to re-energize my relationship with the Lord. To put the work and effort that I have put into my professional life back into my walk. And in light of the tremendous Gift we received that Easter long long ago, I will gladly accept that challenge.
Whew! That was a really long (and unusually serious) post. Thanks for sticking with me and checking in! Hopefully it won't be too long until the next time. :)
Yet, I feel like my life could be summed up with one word: thirst.
At Good Friday service this past week, Pastor Chan spoke of the sixth of Jesus' sayings while on the Cross (John 19:30), "It is finished." He spoke of how it was not the saying of a weak man in defeat but of a triumphant Savior who had just completed His mission on earth. With that one phrase, Jesus fulfilled the prophesies of His life, ministry, and death and brought ultimate salvation to mankind.
I took a step back to look at Jesus' fifth saying (John 19:28) where it is said: "Later, knowing that all was now completed, and so that the Scripture would be fulfilled, Jesus said, "I am thirsty." His last request before His declaration of victory was to ask to have His thirst quenched as a means to fulfill Scripture (Psalm 69:21). But what draws me more is how it must have felt, physically.
John MacArthur's commentary in Condemned and Crucified: God's Miraculous Commentary on the Cross said: "When His torturers gave Christ the wine, was that an act of mercy? It may have been, but it only served to prolong His agony." I can't imagine the level of thirst He must have endured in order to make such a request and to still ask for liquid, knowing it would only add to the agony of His suffering. The thirst must have been unbearable.
So why the long analysis before I relate it to my state of mind right now?
It's really simple...throughout all that's happened recently, I've felt an unease that I was not able to really pinpoint. I felt like I was doing something wrong or that something was missing that I just didn't understand. It wasn't until I got home that I realized what it was. I was thirsting for more of the Lord the whole time. His presence, His teaching, His encouragement and most importantly, His reassurance that His Will is perfect for my life. Part of it was because I was away from my church family for so long. But the more significant part was that I realized I hadn't put a lot of personal time into my walk in the midst of all the busyness. It was my soul telling me that something was wrong because it had not been feed what it needed...it was a warning sign.
Now that I am home and facing several more hurdles in the months ahead, I realize that my thirst is not going away any time soon (nor should it really ever go away). It is very much up to me to meet that desire to re-energize my relationship with the Lord. To put the work and effort that I have put into my professional life back into my walk. And in light of the tremendous Gift we received that Easter long long ago, I will gladly accept that challenge.
Whew! That was a really long (and unusually serious) post. Thanks for sticking with me and checking in! Hopefully it won't be too long until the next time. :)
March 1, 2010
Lessons Learned
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galations 5:22-23
I seriously lack the last of these. Oh, to be humbled over and over.
I seriously lack the last of these. Oh, to be humbled over and over.
January 27, 2010
Semi-Annual Rant
Today was a pretty crazy day as far as announcements go.
Mr. Jobs unleashed his latest mad-scientist experiment in the form of the latest technology in assisting female :cough: menstrual :cough: cycles and Mr. Obama talked about all things related to national security, health care, education, and clean energy. However, another more simple incident stuck out in my mind today.
I was driving home from school as usual and as I rounded the corner to my neighborhood, I noticed that there were lights coming out of a nearby house. I took another look and 'lo & behold, their Christmas tree was shining brightly from their window. I thought long and hard about the date and realized it is currently January 27. That's 4 days from February. A full month after Christmas. My question is: "which of the following options are why they still have their Christmas tree up?"
A. They are supremely lazy.
B. All the lightbulbs in their house burned out and the Christmas lights are their own option left.
C. They truly intend to live the spirit of Christmas every day.
D. They forgot about it.
I'm somewhat baffled.
Mr. Jobs unleashed his latest mad-scientist experiment in the form of the latest technology in assisting female :cough: menstrual :cough: cycles and Mr. Obama talked about all things related to national security, health care, education, and clean energy. However, another more simple incident stuck out in my mind today.
I was driving home from school as usual and as I rounded the corner to my neighborhood, I noticed that there were lights coming out of a nearby house. I took another look and 'lo & behold, their Christmas tree was shining brightly from their window. I thought long and hard about the date and realized it is currently January 27. That's 4 days from February. A full month after Christmas. My question is: "which of the following options are why they still have their Christmas tree up?"
A. They are supremely lazy.
B. All the lightbulbs in their house burned out and the Christmas lights are their own option left.
C. They truly intend to live the spirit of Christmas every day.
D. They forgot about it.
I'm somewhat baffled.
January 22, 2010
Two Ten
And January has been off with a bang. The first two weeks were really difficult on a personal level (not to mention all the crazy things going on in the world lately...prayers for Haiti). However, I've been tremendously blessed by all the time I've gotten to spend with my family and by the many encouraging words and prayers that my friends have sent me. God is SO good. :D
So now, I'm looking at school back in full swing. My last semester of law school. What an exciting and yet scary thought! I have a competition in Oregon, an internship-related trip to Switzerland, graduation and the California Bar to look forward to...all in the next half a year. To say that things are changing in my life would be a bit of an understatement. And yet what I've been thankful for, as I see the light at the end of the tunnel, is the Lord's faithfulness. His provision has been overwhelming and I'm so grateful that He has shown me how He puts all the pieces of the puzzle together.
Therefore, I will end this post with a smile. I look forward to seeing everything pan out. Here's to 2010 improving day by day. :)
So now, I'm looking at school back in full swing. My last semester of law school. What an exciting and yet scary thought! I have a competition in Oregon, an internship-related trip to Switzerland, graduation and the California Bar to look forward to...all in the next half a year. To say that things are changing in my life would be a bit of an understatement. And yet what I've been thankful for, as I see the light at the end of the tunnel, is the Lord's faithfulness. His provision has been overwhelming and I'm so grateful that He has shown me how He puts all the pieces of the puzzle together.
Therefore, I will end this post with a smile. I look forward to seeing everything pan out. Here's to 2010 improving day by day. :)
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