Hear Ye, Here Ye

I've been delving into the realm of classics lately and picked up Pride and Prejudice for the first time. I know, shameful. Curious to see why this classic is among several that made Ms. Austen so famous, I've been steadily reading my way through it. Today, I came across this gem of a line in chapter 19.

Mr. Collins: "You must give me leave to flatter myself, my dear cousin, that your refusal of my addresses is merely words of course (he had just proposed to Elizabeth). My reasons for believing it are briefly these: it does not appear to me that my hand is unworthy your acceptance, or that the establishment I can offer would be other than highly desirable. My situation in life, my connections with the family of De Bourgh, and my relationship to your own...are circumstances highly in my favour; and you should take it into farther consideration that in spite of your manifold attractions, it is by no means certain that another offer of marriage may ever be made you. Your portion is unhappily so small that it will in all likelihood undo the effects of your loveliness and amiable qualifications. As I must therefore conclude that you are not serious in your rejections of me, I shall choose to attribute it to your wish of increasing my love of suspense, according to the usual practice of elegant females."

Mr. Collins in modern terms:
"Girl, I'm going to assume you did NOT just reject me. And this is why:

1. I'm a pretty decent guy.

2. I got money.

3. I got hookups

4. You might be pretty but don't think that you'll ever get another proposal.

5. Your looks do not make up for your lack of money.

So, you cannot be serious. You're just playing games with me right?"

What a charming man.

You go, Elizabeth Bennett.