and so Ecclesiastes 3 goes. And although God’s timing is often different from our notions of what is ideal, the sentiment remains true. There is indeed a season for each aspect of our lives. I think that knowing I am two-thirds done with law school and facing another birthday coming up very soon, I’ve been very contemplative about timing in my life lately. I think that never before has so many possibilities been open in my life and yet things are not quite happening the way expected. That self-reflection has also lead to not just comparing myself to others but also comparing different aspects of my life with each other.
One particularly plaguing issue is trying to find the balance between my admittedly stubborn streak of independence and the long-term desire to settle down. I have repeatedly voiced how much I would love to move to a distant city again and try my luck at practicing my chosen profession there. But that would seem to further exacerbate my inability (so far) to start a stable relationship. How do I find a healthy balance? And how do I learn to do enough but not too much so that opportunities for both will come my way?
And then there’s the issue of my self-motivation. I don’t think that I am one of those people who lack confidence in themselves. In fact, it has always been a difficult for me growing up, because I felt my family never really taught me about the importance of self-esteem and thus, I have had to fiercely make up for that. But I find that with age (I know I’m not that old. Just let me bemoan it for a bit), I also really don’t want to work too hard for things anymore. I often think about how nice it would be if there was someone to take care of all the things I would like to do for me. Or at the very least, a genie to give me the perfect job, perfect home, and perfect family so I wouldn’t have to work for it.
In the end, I think that these disorganized and jumbled thoughts on this screen are really indicative of my inner turmoil. Thanks for letting me rant for a bit.
p.s. Congratulations Anita and Scott. I'm so very excited for you guys. Just prepared for the havoc I might wreck. ;)
